Loving Your Wife Like Christ
The Ephesians 5 Standard
Marriage Series - Part 2
Sacrificial Love in Action
The Highest Standard of Love
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."
Ephesians 5:25 (NIV)
- This is not suggestion - it's a command
- The standard: How Christ loved the church
- This is agape love - selfless, unconditional, sacrificial
What Is Agape Love?
Agape love is self-sacrificial and other-oriented. It can't be earned, nor is it deserved.
- Not based on feelings or what you get in return
- Unconditional - not dependent on performance
- Turns focus away from self and onto your wife
- Rooted in choice and commitment, not emotion alone
How Christ Loved the Church
- Sacrificially: He gave Himself up (v. 25)
- Purifying: To make her holy and clean (v. 26)
- Faithfully: To present her radiant and spotless (v. 27)
- Nurturing: He feeds and cares for her (v. 29)
This is your model. This is your calling.
Sacrificial Love: Give Yourself Up
Real love takes sacrifice - your time, energy, preferences, and comfort
- Put her needs before your own desires
- Die to selfishness daily
- Give up your preferences to serve her
- Your comfort is not the priority - her well-being is
"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends."
John 15:13 (NIV)
Practical Ways to Sacrifice
- Give up your leisure time to help with household tasks
- Turn off the game/phone when she wants to talk
- Watch her show instead of yours
- Take on extra responsibilities so she can rest
- Put her career and dreams alongside your own
- Apologize first, even when you think you're right
Pursue Her Holiness
"...to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word"
Ephesians 5:26 (NIV)
- Her holiness and walk with God is highest importance
- Encourage her spiritual growth, not just comfort
- Pray for her sanctification
- Wash her with the Word - speak Scripture over her
Love Her as Your Own Body
"In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself."
Ephesians 5:28 (NIV)
- You are one flesh - her pain is your pain
- Her joy is your joy
- Care for her like you care for yourself
- Nourish and cherish her
Nourish and Cherish
"...no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church"
Ephesians 5:29 (NIV)
- Nourish: Provide what she needs to grow and thrive
- Cherish: Treasure her, protect her, delight in her
- Provide emotional, spiritual, and physical care
- Make her feel safe, valued, and loved
Work at Knowing Her Needs
- Ask her: "How can I love you better?"
- Pay attention to what makes her feel loved
- Learn what drains her and what fills her
- Don't assume - investigate and understand
- Her needs may be different from yours
You have to work at knowing your wife's needs and give up your time, energy, and preferences for her.
Speak Life Over Her
- Affirm her beauty - inner and outer
- Encourage her gifts and calling
- Express gratitude for her daily
- Speak words of blessing, not criticism
- Tell her you're proud of her
"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."
Proverbs 18:21 (NIV)
Love Her Unconditionally
- Not based on her performance or perfection
- Love her on her worst days, not just her best
- Don't keep score or hold grudges
- Extend grace - remember the grace you've received
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."
1 Corinthians 13:4 (NIV)
Protect Her
- Physically: Be her protector and provider
- Emotionally: Create a safe place for her heart
- Spiritually: Stand guard against enemy attacks
- Socially: Honor her in public and private
- Never criticize or mock her in front of others
Serve Her Practically
- Help with housework without being asked
- Take initiative with the children
- Do the task she dreads
- Surprise her with acts of service
- Remember: No task is beneath you
"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve."
Mark 10:45 (NIV)
The Gospel Makes This Possible
You cannot love like this in your own strength
- The gospel humbles you: you're a sinner saved by grace
- The gospel exalts you: you're loved and empowered
- Christ's love for you enables you to love her
- Daily return to the cross for fresh grace
Scriptures Referenced (1)
- Ephesians 5:25-33
- John 15:13
- Proverbs 18:21
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
- Mark 10:45
Scriptures Referenced (2)
- Colossians 3:19
- 1 Peter 3:7
- Proverbs 31:28
- Romans 5:8
- Philippians 2:3-4
Prayer Points (1)
- Lord, help me to love my wife as Christ loved the church
- Give me grace to sacrifice my desires for her well-being
- Teach me to nourish and cherish her daily
- Help me to speak life and blessing over her
- Show me her needs and how to meet them
Prayer Points (2)
- Break my selfishness and pride
- Fill me with unconditional, agape love for her
- Help me to protect her in every way
- Give me a servant's heart like Jesus
- Let the gospel transform how I love my wife
This Week's Challenge
The 7-Day Love Challenge
Each day this week, do one specific sacrificial act for your wife - something that costs you time, comfort, or preference. Don't announce it or expect thanks. Just serve her like Christ serves the church.
"We love because he first loved us."
1 John 4:19 (NIV)